Cal's Kitty
by Dark Aria
Summary: Cal wants a pet - but not just any pet. Spoilers for Deathwish. Oneshot.


Takes place after Deathwish, so there are spoilers for all 4 books. Just a bit of fluff - Robin got a cat, so why shouldn't Cal get one, too? Characters belong to Rob Thurman; I just take them out once & a while & play with them.

**Cal's Kitty**

Cal was almost home, cutting through the alley to his and Niko's apartment building, when he heard the soft clink of glass in the shadows ahead of him. He paused, hotdog in one hand, the other gripping his knife. He peered into the shadows. A moment later a pair of reflective yellow eyes glared out at him from behind a dumpster. A low growl accompanied the glare. Cal smelled wet, dirty cat and sighed, tucking away the knife.

"Rough night, huh, pal?"

The cat hissed in agreement, eyeing his steaming hotdog.

Cal knelt and held forth the mystery meat. "It's yours, pal, but you have to come get it."

The cat hesitated, then slowly emerged from the crack between the dumpster and grimy wall. He tilted his head towards Cal and started to sidle in his direction, the remaining patches of fur sticking out. He was an orange tabby, or what was left of his fur was orange. He had scars, one ear in tatters, and a stump of a tail that bent at an unnatural angle. One of his wild eyes fixed on the hotdog, the other on Cal.

Cal snorted. "Wow. You're a beauty, alright. I hope you gave as good as you got."

The cat's bent, stubby tail lashed back and forth. He finally eased almost within range of Cal's fingers. Impatient, Cal leaned forward. The cat let out an eardrum-ripping screech and lashed out at Cal's hand. He yelped and dropped the meat. In a blur, the cat nabbed it and was gone.

Cal stared in disbelief at the dripping gashes on his hand. "Son of a bitch – I hope you choke on it!" he yelled after the cat.

"Cal? What on earth are you doing?"

Cal jumped and spun around. His brother Niko was picking his way through the littered alley. His knife was out, ready for trouble.

Cal shifted on his feet, feeling the heat in his face. "I was trying feed this alleycat, and it damn near took my fingers."

Niko tucked away the knife with an exasperated sigh. "Let me see." Cal obediently held out his hand for inspection, reminded of the numerous times as a kid when Niko would inspect skinned knees, bruises, and goose eggs after his many mishaps. After a quick look and seeing nothing life-threatening, Niko said, "Alright, let's get you cleaned up."

They made their way back to the street, where Niko's lady vampire waited on the sidewalk in fancy evening dress. "Oh, hi Promise," Cal said, trying not to wince. Niko and Promise had only just recently begun seeing one another again, after the whole fiasco with Cherish. Cal thought it was nice to know he could still act like a spaz in front of Niko's girlfriend.

"Caliban. Are you alright?" There was the barest trace of amusement in her voice. Of course she'd heard everything from where she had been standing.

Cal shrugged. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just some scratches."

They made their way up the stairs to their apartment together.

As Cal held his hand under the kitchen faucet and Niko set out some first aid supplies, Cal asked, "So how was the theater?"

"Enjoyable. The production was an improvement over last year," Promise said smoothly, taking a seat at the table.

"Nice to know your donations are being put to good use, huh?"

"Precisely. And that we've rid ourselves of that dreadful director."

Promise's smile was cold enoug that Cal decided he really didn't want to know how that had been done.

"Alright, Cal: sit." Niko pulled out another chair.

"What am I, a golden retriever?" Cal grumbled, but he sat down at the table and held his hand over a basin.

"More like a small terrier," Niko's lips quirked. Then he gripped Cal's wrist and poured disinfectant over the scratches. Cal hissed and tried not to jerk his hand away as Niko cleaned them thoroughly. Once he was done, he pressed a sterile pad to Cal's hand.

"Hold that." Cal did so, and his brother taped it down. "Keep it clean, and we'll check it again tomorrow. I would say I hope this teaches you a lesson, but…" He shrugged and shook his head in mock despair.

"I guess cats really don't like the way I smell," Cal said sheepishly.

"Try taking a bath now and again."

"Hah, you're a funny guy."

As Niko cleaned up the first aide debris, Cal retrieved a snack from the fridge and retreated to the living room for some quality time with the TV. Promise and Niko came out shortly thereafter, and Promise smiled at Cal. "Goodnight, Caliban. Good luck with your lion taming."

Niko walked her to the door, holding her coat while she slipped it on. They spoke quietly, lightly touching hands. Cal snuck glances out of the corner of his eye, silently willing his brother to at least give her a chaste peck on the cheek. Nope. Once again they parted with nary a sign of lust. Cal hid his disappointment.

The next night, Robin Goodfellow stopped by for a visit. He ran into Cal as he was coming down the stairs holding an opened can of tuna.

"Evening snack?" the puck inquired with mock interest.

"Nope. I'm feeding an alley cat. I want it to get used to me and maybe we can adopt it."

Robin grinned. "Aw, does Caliban want a pet? Surely if you tell Niko that's what you want for your birthday, he'll take you to the shelter to pick one out."

Cal continued down the stairs with Robin following. "I don't want just any cat. It has to have a certain…you know." Cal waved a hand.

"Je ne sais quoi?" offered Robin.

"Yeah!" Cal snapped his fingers.

"Well, alright. I have to see this magnificent specimen. Although I have no intentions of getting near anything that sheds. Or that could make Salome jealous." The puck shuddered.

Cal grinned over his shoulder. "I don't think this one sheds as much as it used to."

A quarter of an hour later, Cal had nearly given up on the cat. Robin entertained himself by making snarky comments about his attempts to call the cat out. Finally a low wail started up, and reached a painful crescendo.

"That's him!" Cal said excitedly.

The cat emerged from the shadows, eyes wild, pelt mangy as ever, broken tail bobbing back and forth.

"Dear gods – that's not a cat, that's a feline revenant!" Robin gasped. The puck was either clutching at his chest in panic or trying to protect his silk tie from the stray orange hairs floating off the cat.

"I know – he's great!" Cal knelt and pushed the tin of tuna closer to the cat. He stepped back slowly as the cat arched his back and psycho-crab walked towards the tuna, hissing the whole time.

"You have a truly warped sense of what a pet is, do you know that? Maybe we should see if Niko can get you a nice hamster or something."

The cat reached the tin, gobbled down the fish in under half a minute, and bolted away. Cal retrieved the can and tossed it in the dumpster.

Robin stuck his hands in his pockets. "Well, what a charming bonding experience that was. Yes, I can see the adoring creature will soon be cozying up at your feet – all the better to chew them off, I suppose. I wish you luck."

Cal grinned. "We can't all have an undead mummy cat attach themselves to us. How is Salome, anyway?"

Robin grumbled, but had no response to that.

Over the next month, Cal went out time and again to feed the cat. He even began to set out clean water. He was scratched several more times, once even on the nose. Still he persevered, and although the cat never behaved any better, he did show up most of the time. Cal liked the cat because he saw a little of himself in the cat's scars, extreme defensive behavior, and off-kilter sanity. He'd been there himself once or twice.

One night Niko joined him, and when the cat wouldn't come any closer Niko took the chicken from Cal and knelt, holding it out. He held very still, breathing calmly, letting the cat work its way over to him. At last it reached Niko's hand, barely audible growls and carefully took the chicken from his hand. Cal stared in disbelief.

"I don't believe it! I feed that ungrateful thing for a month, suffering bodily injury to the point of practically needing sutures, and it walks right up to you? I hope you choke on it, cat!"

The cat growled at Cal and took off with the rest of the chicken. Niko stood, took a napkin out of his pocket, and wiped his fingers. "You don't hold still enough, and you're not calm. The cat picks up on your state of mind."

"I'm calm," he muttered sullenly.

Niko clapped him on the shoulder. "I'll see you after work, Cal."

Niko and Promise came to give Cal a ride home late that night since it was pouring rain. Delilah and Robin were matching one another whiskey for whiskey at the bar as Cal and Ishiah straightened up. As Cal swept up werewolf fur and scales from an earlier bar fight, he regaled the others with his story about the cat and his efforts to tame it.

"You make it sound like a wild lion instead of an alley cat," Promise smiled.

"You haven't seen this cat," said Robin with a shudder. "It's more like something escaped from the pits of Hades, out to find more souls of the damned."

Delilah grabbed Cal's wrist as he walked past her, turning it up to expose deep scratches. "Hah! Great warrior! Nearly defeated by a tabby." She slapped her other hand on the bar, and threw her head back with a hoarse laugh.

Cal yanked his hand away. "Yeah, well, I wouldn't have minded all that so much, except tonight Niko comes along and it just takes food from him like it's nothing. It's like he laid the ninja-whammy on the cat or something."

Niko had been quietly listening and sipping water during this conversation. When everyone looked over at him, he just shrugged and continued sipping his water.

"So what exactly is the ninja-whammy?" Promised asked, leaning forward.

Cal rolled his eyes. "Oh, you know," he made his expression blank; half closed his eyes, and held his palms upward. In a sonorous voice he said, "The chicken is neither offered nor denied. The chicken merely exists."

Everyone laughed, and Niko smiled mysteriously.

As they were leaving, Niko made it to Promise's limo and held the door for her. Cal paused under the awning to say goodnight to Delilah. The werewolf did a full-body lean against Cal and whispered in his ear, "Come see me tomorrow. I promise I won't scratch you as hard as the kitty cat." She licked Cal's wrist, turned and sauntered away.

Cal stared after her, his brain momentarily short-circuited until Niko called his name. Cal shook himself and stepped quickly into the limo. He surreptitiously checked his wrist and saw the scratches healing up. You gotta love the regenerative wolf saliva, he thought. He caught Niko's sardonic eyebrow lift and yanked down his sleeve.

The limo driver dropped them off, and Cal was secretly pleased when Promise got out with them. At least he thought he hid his happiness at this sign of Niko and Promise reconciling, until Niko delivered a quick nerve pinch to his elbow. Cal rubbed the spot, but instead of scowling he grinned at his brother when Promise wasn't looking. The look of annoyance shot his way made the extra practice he would be doing tomorrow worth it.

"I left some chow mein out. I'm gonna see if the cat ate it," Cal said. The rain had eased up, and was now just a steady drizzle. Cal started for the alley when they all three heard the cat's angry scream. Cal took off running down the dark, congested alley. Niko swore and followed after him. He barely caught up to his little brother and yanked him behind him when they saw what had made the cat scream. A revenant had caught the cat by the neck. It held the cat out at arm's length, squeezing slowly.

"Travellers," it ground out in a phlegm-sodden voice. "Is this your cat? It would barely make an appetizer before I start on you."

"Goddam, one of Sawney's butt-monkeys. I thought we exterminated them all" Cal said as he drew a gun.

"It would appear we missed one," Niko replied, his tone as sharp as the knife he held.

"How tiresome. And I just bought these shoes," Promise sighed, tossing a brilliant little dagger from hand to hand.

The revenant's jaw unhinged until its mouth opening was larger than its head. It looked like it was about to throw the cat down its gullet when the cat's head suddenly popped over from one side to the other so he could fix his yellow eyes on the revenant. Suddenly all four of his legs were whirling and the revenant lost its grip. The cat screeched and spiraled up its arm like an animated buzz saw. The last they saw of him, the cat was streaking away with a sizable portion of the revenant's scalp clenched in his teeth.

The three of them made short work of the revenant. As they stood over its corpse, Cal pointed his gun towards where the cat had run off. "We are adopting that cat!"

Niko frowned in annoyance. "No, Cal. I barely managed to housebreak you after all these years. I do not need another long-term project on my hands."

Cal whined, "Nik…"

Niko gripped Cal's shoulder. "I don't think he's the indoor sort of cat, little brother."

Cal sighed and put away his gun. "I guess not. But damn, did you see how he handled that revenant? That was classic."

Niko turned Cal back to the street and gave him a little push. "Come on, let's get inside and get cleaned up. It's late."

They made their way up the stairs to their apartment. Cal left a trail of wet shoes, jacket, and sweatshirt on the way to his bedroom, yawning goodnight to the other two. He knew Niko would follow behind him, picking them up like a fussy housewife, but annoying his brother was an ingrained habit he couldn't break. Besides, annoying Niko was one of the many ways he had been reminding him Cal was alive and not dead on the floor of their old apartment. The Leandros brand of therapy: Niko trained Cal's ass off when Cal needed it, and Cal left his dirty clothes lying about for Niko. It worked for them, but it was safe to say they wouldn't be opening a private practice any time soon.

***

Much later, Niko slid out from under Promise's arm and made his way to the kitchen to get a piece of Cal's leftover pizza. When he came back, he slid open his window as quietly as he could and let himself out onto the fire escape. Moments later the alley cat appeared, slinking up the metal stairway while watching Niko guardedly. With the exception that now his head lay tilted completely over to the other side, the cat seemed unscathed by his confrontation with the revenant. Niko set down the pizza and eased back. The cat growled as he wolfed down the pepperoni slice, gave an obligatory hiss in Niko's direction, and ran back down the fire escape.

"So how long have you been feeding him?" asked Promise, who was leaning on the windowsill, watching.

Niko straightened and sat on the sill next to her. "Almost as long as Cal has. I thought the cat deserved a reward after what he did tonight. Little brothers and stray cats: positive reinforcement works wonders on them both."

Promise laughed softly. "Especially in the form of pizza. I feel like I've accidentally stumbled onto the secret of the ninja-whammy."

Niko smiled and slipped back inside. After closing the window he said, "I find it helps to maintain a certain older brother mystique. It keeps Cal on his toes."

"And of course, Cal has become attached to the cat, so you wanted to make sure nothing happened to it."

She knew him so well. Niko wrapped his arms around her, reminded of how much he missed simply being with Promise. "Cal sees himself as being like the cat, but he isn't, really."

Promise looked up and raised a questioning eyebrow.

Niko nodded towards the window. "That cat never made it back from whatever happened to it."

"I suspect that's because he didn't have you watching out for him from the beginning." Promise entwined her warm, strong fingers through his. She tugged him gently towards the bed. "Now tell me more about the ninja whammy. It sounds most intriguing."


End file.
